Books : Irish Wit, Scottish Wit, Welsh Wit

It is not often that I find different books in the same series on the same library shelve at one go, so I was excited to find these three little books by Tom Hay last week.  These books contain quips and quotations that are humorous, funny and wise:

 

IRISH WIT

INSULTS:

  • Why don’t you write books people can read? (Nora Joyce to her husband)

IRELAND & THE IRISH

  • The Irish love to be loved, except by each other. (David Kenny)

EATING & DRINKING

  • It were a bold man who ate the first oyster. (Jonathan Swift)
  • The only reason I went to America was because I saw a sign saying ‘Drink Canada Dry’. (George Best)

LOVE & MARRIAGE

  • A man who says his wife can’t take a joke forgets that she took him. (Oscar Wilde)
  • Marriage is forever – like cement. (Peter O’Toole)

WORK & MONEY

  • The only really dirty four-lettered word is ‘work’. (Brendan Kennedy)
  • Money can’t buy friends, but you get a better class of enemy. (Spike Mulligan)

LIFE

  • Life is a long prepartaion for something that never happens. (William Butler Yeats)
  • The day after tomorrow is the third day of the rest of your life. (George Carlin)

THE BIG SLEEP

  • An undertaker is the last man to let you down. (Jimmy O’Dea)
  • A doctor’s reputation is made by the number of eminent men who die under their care. (George Bernard SHaw)
  • Funerals in Ireland are so jolly, they should be called funferalls. (James Joyce)

POLITICS

  • The weak are a long time in politics. (Barry Egan)
  • He knows nothing and thinks he knows everything. That clearly points to a career in politics. (George Bernard Shaw)

THE ARTS

  • Writing is like getting married. One should never commit oneself until one is amazed in one’s luck. (Iris Murdock)
  • Memories are a well-known form of fiction. (Frank Harris)
  • A poet can survive anything but a misprint. (Oscar Wilde)

 

SCOTTISH WIT

EATING  & DRINKING

  • Freedom and whisky go together. (Robert Burns)

LOVE & MARRIAGE

  • Of all ghosts the ghosts of our old loves is the worst. (Sir Arthur Conan Doyle)
  • Marriage is one long conversation, chequered by disputes. (Robert Louis Stevenson)

WORK & MONEY

  • It is not real work unless you would rather do something else. (J.M.Barrie)
  • Work is the meal of life, pleasure the dessert. (B.C.Forbes)

SCOTTISH PROVERBS

  • To marry is to half your rights and double your duties.
  • Get what you can and keep what you have; that’s the way to getting rich.

WISE WORDS

  • Problems are only opportunities with thorns on them. (Hugh Miller)
  • Temptations come, as a general rule, wherever they are sought. (Margaret Oliphant)

FAME & THE ARTS

  • Books are good enough in their own way, but they are a mighty bloodless substitute for life. (R. L. Stevenson)

LIFE

  • Life’s more amusing than we thought. (Andrew Lang)
  • Life is a long lesson in humility. (J.M.Barrie)

 

WELSH WIT

LOVE & MARRIAGE

  • When asked if her husband could cook, Catherine Zeta-Jones said, “No…But he’s really good at making dinner reservations.”

EATING & DRINKING

  • My advice if you insist on slimming: eat as much as you like, just don’t swallow it. (Harry Secombe)
  • I like to drink to suit my location.(Tom Jones)

THE BIG SLEEP

  • Due to industrial go-slow difficulties, grave-digging this week will be done by a skeleton crew. (Sign in a Welsh cemetry)

THE ARTS

  • The Welsh are all actors. It is only the bad ones who become professional. (Richard Burton)
  • Books write authors as much as authors write books. (Dick Francis)

OLD AGE

  • I’ll keep swivelling my hips until they need replacing. (Tom Jones)
  • You don’t get older, you get better. (Shirley Bassey)

WISE WORDS

  • Things which do not require effort of some sort are seldom worth having. (Ivor Novello)
  • There is no point in asking a man a question until you have established whether he has any reason to lie to you. (Ken Follet)
  • A kleptomaniac is a person who helps himself because he can’t help himself. (Henry Morgan)
  • Man’s mind is a watch that needs winding daily. (Welsh proverb)
  • Bad new go about in clogs, good news in stockinged feet. (Welsh proverb)
  • The only thing we guard with real success are the secrets of our shames. (Gwyn Thomas)

 

 

Advertisements

One thought on “Books : Irish Wit, Scottish Wit, Welsh Wit

  1. Hi Florence,

    Like the jokes and quotes on this and other posts.
    You are a voracious reader indeed. Hard for anyone to keep up with you in reading.

    TML

    Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s